Just got these in:
WORDS OF WIT AND WISDOM

In just two days tomorrow will be yesterday.
But I never saw either on the calendar
Always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it.
My friend has kleptomania, but when it gets bad,
He takes something for it.
Never be afraid to try something new,
Remember amateurs built the ark - Professionals built the Titanic.
Love is grand - divorce is a hundred grand.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common,
they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
One of life's mysteries -
How can a two pound box of candy make a person gain five pounds.
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

I travel around quite a bit. While traveling I listen to a lot of radio. This and the hop-knobbing with other entertainners leads to hearing a lot of jokes....most of them bad. I present to you here a list of the ones I remember. I claim no originality and where know I credit the creator.

What did JFK Jr miss most about Martha's Vineyard?
(The runway!)

I heard JFK Jr had danderuf. Yeah, they found his head and shoulders on the beach. (Yikes!)

Why is Utah so windy?
Because, Salt Lake City sucks.(heard in Utah from a Utahian)

It has long been a custom in the US to tell ethnic jokes. One such type is the Pollish joke. In these jokes Poles (called Pollocks in the jokes) are considered dumb. This stereotype came because during WWII Poles faced off against advancing German tanks on horseback. Instead of a medal of valor they have been tagged Pollock) Anyways, since the collapse of socialism Poles have come to know that we Americans told Polish jokes. In retaliation they have begun telling "American jokes" . In fact, while visiting Polland I heard one of these jokes. In a tavern I overheard, amidst roarous laughter, "How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" "one!", came the answer and then endless laughter. (if you don't get it don't ask)

If you're going to invite mormons to go fishing with you how many MUST you invite?
(Two, because if you invite one he'll drink up all your beer.)